top of page

Lady Sitting

As a favour to a friend i recently did a bit "Lady Sitting", minding an wealthy old lady. Her name was Emily, but she prefered "Emmie, because that's what her nanny in Kenya called her"

She pronounced Kenya "Keeenya" which shows that her family must have owned half of it. She spoke with that cut glass British accent that you once heard the queen speak with, before she had de-eoluction lesons to make her appear mor normal.

I used to work as a care assistant in a nursing home and to be honest I enjoy working with the elderly, generaly they are funny and kind, plus you are always the hot one in the group.

I arrived at Emily's house and her daughter, a frustrated barrister, who already had two staff helping her organise a dinner party, sighed as I came in the door.

"Just take mummy out of the way please!, bring her down to have a slice of cake and coffee each, keep her their for two hours, she likes to look at men. There's a "Costa" down the road. Here's £40, will that be enough?"

"em...yes I think so" (I think for £40 I could probabaly buy shares Costa Coffee)

So Emmie and I walked, slowly, she didn't speak, then she said "I was once Lady Mayoress of Farnham you know"

(I didn't know)

"Yes, I existed in a man's world. I was a feminist before feminist exisited, I wasn't one of these whimpy women who writes a letter to the internet everytime a man looks at her twice. If some man harrassed me, I just dealt with it, there and then"

"One time I was travelling in a private train carriage to a political . I was being accompanied bye the Minister for posts and telagraphs, under Prime Minister Harold MacMillan, you might know him?"

(I didn't know)

"I was smoking a ciggarette, it was the time before all that "polite correctness" came into fashion, you could do anything on a train. Suddenly the Minister put his hand accross and started to massage my left breast. Do you think I made a fusss and screamed? No! I simply took my lit cigarrette from my mouth and smashed it into his hand.let me tell you, he was the one who screamed!"

We walked to Costa she told me the story three more times (not bragging but dementia) I still laughed each time, I laughed so much that I took her on a wrong turn, much less leafy than she might be used to. We passed an Afro-Carribean beauty store. Emmie just stopped and stared at the window iat the array of lotions and potions and hair pieces.

"you know, these foreigners coming here, they've really changed the place....."

My middle class mind crindged as I imagined what she might say next in her telepromter tones

"This whole street used to be so plain but but all these foriegners coming here, have really made it look marvellous"

Featured Posts
Check back soon
Once posts are published, you’ll see them here.
Recent Posts
Search By Tags
Follow Us
  • Facebook Basic Square
  • Twitter Basic Square
  • Google+ Basic Square
bottom of page